Tales from the Cave
by Tex's Black Rose
Summary: Red vs Blue spinoff. What happens when the Blues get stuck in a cave together? Not finished yet! Its my first try at fanfic, so any constructive criticism welcome. Disclaimer I do not own any of the characters, they belong to the guys at roosterteeth.
1. Can It

"Tex, I'm hungry." Tex sighed, finding her patience quickly leaving her, and fixed the rookie with a cold stare. He had been whining at her for the past half hour and she was sick of it.

"Caboose, do you remember that conversation that you and Tucker had with Church a while ago?"

"You mean when O'Malley was still inside Caboose's head and he threatened me and so I told Church and he wouldn't listen to me and he said he wasn't our 'fuckin' mother'? That conversation?"

"Yes, Tucker, that one," Tex replied, closing her eyes and turning to the soldier in blue armor. "But do _you_ remember, Caboose?"

"I think so…" Caboose pondered for a moment.

"Well the same goes for me." That stopped Caboose's thoughts.

"Church is not your mother?"

"What I mean," she started, giving him a death glare, "Is that I am not your 'fucking mother' either. So don't whine at me. You won't live long enough to remember it."

"Can it, you guys. We're stuck in this cave for a while until that storm blows over and I don't want to have to listen to you the whole time," injected Church from a small corner. He sighed and added under his breath, "It's all your fault, anyway."

"Excuse me? Mister I-Get-The-Tank-Blown-Up-And-Then-Can't-Find-The-Damn-Thing?" Tex started.

"Well, I don't see you looking very hard for it."

"In case you hadn't noticed, you're not looking very hard yourself." He looked up at her in disbelief.

"You have got to be kidding." He stood up and walked to where she was standing by the entrance to the cave. "There is a lightening storm going on out there, the worst we've seen since coming to Blood Gulch, we're stuck in a cave and can't even make it back to base, and you're on my case because I'm not out there in the frickin' middle of it all, looking for a God-damn metal tank, running around, COVERED IN METAL ARMOR!"

"If you hadn't lost the damn thing in the first place, we wouldn't have had to come out here looking for it."

"Me? Well at least I was searching while I could. You haven't helped look very hard."

"I'm not looking for the tank."

"Then why are you here?" Tex sighed, trying to regain some of her patience.

"Because I promised you guys I'd stay and help you win this thing with the reds."

"What? No, I mean, I know _that_, I meant, why are you out here with us in this cave?"

"Because someone has to watch over you guys."

"You know what? As a matter of fact, I-"

"Hey Church? Can it," interrupted Tucker from somewhere behind everyone "You didn't want to listen to us going at it before, and I don't want to listen to you guys going at it now."

"Me? She started it!"

"I did not!"

"Actually, you did start that one, Church," stated Tucker.

"Well, why didn't you tell her to 'can it' too?"

"Tex? Simple. I don't want a concussion." Tex crossed her arms, fixing her boyfriend with a smirk. He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.

"Church, can it." He rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the storm still raging outside. The rain was pouring and every so often there was a bright flash of light followed by a deafening clap of thunder. He sighed.

"We are not getting out of here tonight."


	2. Don't You Ever Listen?

Tex sighed from where she was sitting by the entrance to the cave watching the storm rage harder than ever.

"That storm has been getting steadily worse for the past hour," Church said to himself from the other side of the entrance. He turned to Tex and raised his voice a little so that she could hear him over the storm. "We'll have to stay here tonight and hope that it blows over by morning."

"No shit, Sherlock." She shook her head. "But a storm this intense won't blow over in a few hours. The most we can do is hope that it lightens up long enough so we can get back to base." She turned her attention to the cave, ignoring Church who was rolling his eyes at her, a fact that was made obvious as a flash of lightening lit up the entire cave momentarily. In that flash, she could see Caboose and Tucker leaning against the back of the cave, sleeping in what looked like some sort of embrace. She smirked. "Hey, Church, get a look at this," said, nodding to the remaining two members of the Blue team. He looked over and grinned at her.

"You think we should wake the happy couple?" A particularly loud clap of thunder from directly overhead cut off her reply.

"Wha- CABOOSE GET THE HELL OFF ME!" And apparently, it had woken up Tucker.

"Nah, it looks like the love birds are already awake," she said, grinning herself. Tucker jumped up from the spot where he had been laying with his head resting on Caboose and moved to the opposite wall, not sitting down. He took his helmet off and breathed deeply.

"Tucker, what's wrong?" asked Caboose, sitting up.

"Wrong? WRONG?" he spouted turning to face him. "We're stuck in this damn cave for God-knows-how-long, I'm trying sleep, I get woken up by the damn storm that stuck us here in the first place _and_ when I do, I find you all over me like we're some frickin' married couple! THAT'S what's wrong!" Church and Tex began snickering by the entrance, and Tucker turned and glared at them, only making them laugh harder. He sighed in defeat and flopped to the ground. "Well, I'm glad that _someone_ is enjoying this."

"I still don't get it," stated Caboose after several minutes. "Enjoying what? Naptime? I was enjoying naptime, but then-"

"Hey, Caboose? Yeah. Shut up."

"Both of you need to shut up. Hey, I've got an idea," said Tex with her usual sarcasm. "Why don't you two "sleeping beauties" get back to your little naptime and let us grown ups handle everything. As usual."

"You and Church, grown ups? Ha, that's a good one!"

"You want to say that again, punk?" She cocked her shotgun and leveled it at Tucker.

"Thaaaaat's not a grown up. That's Church!" said Caboose. Tex and Tucker stared at him. Church rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time in an hour.

"Tex, put the gun down. Caboose, Tucker, shut up."

"Whatever, man, I'm getting sick of this. I'm going back to sleep. And you stay away from me, you freak!" said Tucker, pointing at Caboose.

"Actually," said Church, "That's not a bad idea. We should all try to get some sleep." He walked over to the back of the cave, in between Tucker and Caboose so as to prevent another screeching outburst, courtesy of Tucker. "Come on, Tex. Caboose'll be out in a matter of minutes and Tucker won't bother anyone else until he's got at least a few more hours of sleep." She stared at him in response. Church shook his head and took his helmet off, sitting down next to it. "Well, fine, do whatever you want. I'm going to sleep." Tex looked at the three men all in various stages of sleep.

"Fine. _But_, if I wake up and _any_ of you are an inch closer to me than you are right now, you'll wish you were still out in the middle of that lightening storm." Tucker cracked an eye open to look at her.

"Oh, come on Tex, would any of us really try anything with _you_?" She raised her eyebrow. "Yeah, point taken." He watched as she reluctantly got up and went over to where the others were laying down.

"Church, move over."

"Aw, come on, first you won't sleep _with_ us and now you won't even sleep _near_ us? We don't bite."

"Deal with it, Tucker."

"Hey, uh, Church, I wouldn't get your hopes up either," said Tucker, gesturing to the black-armored mercenary standing behind him.

"Tex, I am not moving. There is plenty of room for four people to sleep comfortably. Besides, if we run out of room, Caboose and Tucker can always sleep together." She continued to stare at him.

"Fine." Tex sat down and leaned against the wall. Church looked at her questioningly.

"What?" she asked, starting to get ticked off.

"Nothing. I just don't think you'll be very comfortable sleeping like that."

"I didn't say I was going to sleep. At least not right now."

"What? Well then why the hell did you make me move if you're not even going to sleep?"

"What did I just say? Don't you ever listen?"

"Whatever. Night."


	3. Dreams a Dreamer Dreams

"I can't believe I am saying this Tex, but if we don't squeeze together, we are going to freeze out here."

"So? Your problem, not mine."

"So? So I don't want to die out here from the freakin' weather! Come on, just until we can get back to base." She sighed.

"Come on, I know you're cold, why can't you just admit it? I am your boyfriend, you know…"

"Take one more step and I'll punch your lights out."

_Some time later in a darker corner of the cave…_

"What the hell, man? You wake me up because you had a_ bad dream_?"

"Uh huh."

"I just can't get a freakin' break, can I? Caboose shut the hell up and go back to sleep. Just leave me alone."

"But it was really, _really_, scary Tucker!" Caboose was close to tears.

"What do you want me to do about it? It was just a dream, it wasn't real. Oh man, I can't believe I am sitting here explaining to you what a freakin' _dream_ is. It isn't real, it isn't going to happen, and big fluffy rabbits are not going to attack you when you go back to sleep!"

"Promise?" Tucker sighed.

"Yes! Now go to sleep…Not on me! Over there! Didn't we _just_ go through this!"

"But I'm scared! I promise I won't bother you! I don't snore!"

"Caboose, I am not going to sleep with you." Tears began forming in Caboose's eyes. Tucker took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Fine," he managed through grated teeth.

"Thank you, Tucker!"

"Don't talk to me. And don't touch me! Just go to sleep." Caboose laid down next to him and was asleep within minutes. "I don't believe this. I'm just glad the reds can't see me."

"Well, well, well…Get a look at what we have here." Tex cracked one eye open to find herself asleep on Church with his arms wrapped around her and a smirk on his face. She glared at him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!"

"Me? You are on top of me, in case you hadn't noticed!"

"Well, in case _you_ hadn't noticed, you are the one who moved when he was sleeping! How did you manage to move 5 feet in your sleep?"

_Cricket, cricket...  
_

"Now let go of me!"

"No."

"And why the hell not?" Tex's temper flared up.

"Do you know how cold it is out here? It's dark out, and it's still pouring. Unless you have some blankets with you or something, this is the only way we're going to stay warm. I don't know about you, but I for one do _not_ want to freeze to death!"

"I fucking hate you."

"Love you too, babe." She punched him.

"I warned you what would happen if any of you moved. And guess what, Church? You moved." He considered this for a moment.

"Please don't kill me."


End file.
